Lebanon
One man’s true and shocking account of a boring peace march in London.
One of the unheard tragedies of the current Israel-Lebanon conflict - a horror that has gone unreported in the media and passed without comment from even the most hysterical of the human rights brigade - came to pass on Saturday. Never mind the pain and suffering inflicted upon innocent Lebanese civilians or the hardships endured by the tens of thousands of refugees. In order to voice my objections to Israel's annihilation of much of Lebanon, I was forced to rub shoulders with, and breathe in the musky odours of, the crowd of wet lipped pinkos, terrorist apologists, besandalled Marxists, shrill dumpy feminists, demented Islamists, anti American birkenstocktards (cheers Varmint), self loathing Jews, sanctimonious student hairballs and general stinking hippy twats. I shouldn't have to do that. I'm virtually a yuppie, for fuck's sake. It was horrendous. It was my Holocaust.
The marchers tended to be split into defined groups, each carrying a big banner proclaiming their specific cause. Some of these were clearly ironic - "The Islamic Human Rights Commission". Yeah! Think you should maybe wave that banner in a Muslim country, buddy... Some of them were the usual suspects who turn up at EVERY demonstration and try and turn it around to their cause... "War in Lebanon is a British Working Class Issue" inexplicably shouted the British Communist's placards, though none of the communists looked like they'd done much work for a while that didn't involve collecting dole cheques. Some were anarchists, closely followed by some non-anarchists who were waiting for anarchy to rein so that they could boot in the anarchists without getting arrested. And some of them had clearly got lost on a completely unrelated march a few months previously and were still walking around looking for their minivan - "Reinstate Sacked Gate Gourmet Workers" read one large banner, I shit you not.
All in all, it was hard to resist the urge to carry a sign saying 'Golf Sale' or 'Thai Buffet £3' and answer the chants of 'What do we want?' with shouts of 'Cheaper car insurance'. The only thing that stopped me (apart from the well documented humourlessness of your average Islamic fundamentalist, some of whom turned up too) was the fact that my voice would've rung out with embarrassing clarity over the chanting. I've heard more righteous passion and rage from agoraphobic wallflowers trying to get everyone to sing happy birthday.
Actually, it was fun, despite not living up to the newsreels of 60's protests I've seen (there was no free lentil stew and I didn't see any painted tits or beefy cops whaling on students with big sticks). The only things I had to worry about were accidentally walking behind a big banner saying something like "Gay Muslim Association Says Drop George Michael's Pants Not Bombs!" (knowing my luck it would appear on the front page of the Guardian with my grinning mug next to it), or walking too close to the more loopy elements of the march who were shouting 'WE ARE ALL HIZBULLAH!!!'. (Given that Israel has been bombing UN outposts, ambulances and minivans full of children on the suspicion of being Hizbollah, standing next to people with tea towels on their heads who are loudly proclaiming themselves to be members is positively suicidal - instead I edged away from them shouting "I'm not!" into the skies around me for the Mossad satellites and drones to see).
And you can see why I had to do it. Picture the scene. There's a country in the middle east that's a stable democracy, with a thriving economy and an informed and moderate population who are generally in favour of peace and freedom. An oasis of liberty and prosperity in a desert of dictatorships, Koran bashing fundamentalism and dire poverty. We'll call this country 'Lebanon'.
It's right next to another country which was created by the West 60 years ago on disputed land. Since then, it's made a name for itself by stealing more land and keeping the Palestinian residents of the land under brutal military oppression - a modern apartheid. Their land stolen, their economy stifled, their homes bulldozed, humiliated by roadblocks, traumatised by bombs and incursions, dependent on foreign aid, the Palestinians have eked out a miserable existence for the past 40 years. This country has even erected a big wall to keep the Palestinians out. We'll call this country 'Israel'.
Unfortunately, Lebanon is also home to a terrorist organisation (who are funded by fundamentalists in other countries) which, in sympathy with the Palestinians, has been firing crappy homemade rockets into Israel.
What do you think an appropriate course of action would be? Maybe give assistance to the security forces in that country so that they can rein in the terrorists? Maybe arrange for a beefed up UN force to go in and prevent the terrorist organisation from operating? Maybe stop shipments of blue touch paper and Swan Vespas from entering Lebanon so that the Hizbos can't light their rockets? Or is the best course of action to annihilate the infrastructure and economy of the country, killing hundreds of innocent people and greatly weakening its government and security forces so that they can't deal with the terrorists?
Unless you've been reading a paper that starts with 'Daily' and ends with 'Mail', you'll know that Israel chose the latter option. (If you do read the Daily Mail, you'll know that Princess Diana is still dead). An invasion hasn't been so badly thought out since Rumsfeld thought it would be a good idea to dismantle Iraq's security forces and replace them with fresh recruits, in one fell swoop ensuring that not only were there tens of thousands of aggrieved hard nuts ready to join the ranks of the insurgents, but also that the thin blue line between them and violent anarchy was a bunch of easily corruptible seventeen year olds with three week's training and shoes that didn't fit. Nice one, Rummy. Nice one, Olmert.
In their effort to crush the terrorist threat, nothing is being left standing in large swathes of Lebanon. Bridges are being bombed in case Hezbos try to take drugs under them. Roads are being bombed in case Hezbos try to cross them. Factories are being bombed in case anyone in Hizbollah gets a job driving a forklift. (A paper tissue factory was destroyed last week - if Hezbollah can't blow their noses, they're powerless!). Power stations are being bombed so that Hizbollah can't watch Pop Idol. Red Cross ambulances are being bombed in case they are treating anyone injured in all that bombing. UN outposts are being bombed, probably at the insistence of John Bolton. Leaflets are dropped on towns hours before the bombs rain down warning Lebanese to get their families together and leave, but not to leave in a truck, minivan or motorbike, as these will be considered Hizbollah and bombed. In fact, anyone trying to flee on anything other than a Segway is considered a potential terrorist.
Punishing the Lebanese people for the actions of terrorists among them is ridiculously unfair. For decades, Lebanon has been the field upon which other people's battles have been fought. The current battle is really between Israel/US (who give Israel close to $3bn a year in military aid) and Syria/Iran (who give Hizbollah some baked bean cans and gunpowder to make their rockets). But there is much evidence to show that the Lebanese people don't even like Syria and Iran. Last year Lebanese marched in their hundreds of thousands in protest at the Syrian assassination of former Leb leader Rafik Hariri and drove Syria's troops out of Lebanon. And the Lebanese have become used to a European level of personal freedom and fun so are hardly hankering for a grim Iranian theocracy.
Giving a collective punishment to the civilians who have no connection to and little sympathy for Hizbullah is also utterly counter productive. Every person who lost a brother or a home will have a vested interest in wreaking a terrible revenge on Israel. It will drive people into the arms of Hizbollah and give them legitimacy. All through the Arab world, outrage will show in support for Hizbollah. Worse, Israel has unthinkingly destroyed the main thing that stops terrorism - prosperity. The Lebanese economy has been bombed back to the stone age. Well, the early 80s anyway. The people who have lost everything have nothing to lose now. It is also terrible PR for Israel. There can't be many people outside of Tel Aviv or the US who haven't been appalled at the indiscriminate destruction, dead children, bloodied grandmothers, acres of collapsed tower blocks. These images will dog Israel for decades.
Israel is also going to steal more land from Lebanon; ostensibly as a buffer zone between Hizbollah and Israel. Israel has stolen Arab land after nearly all their wars, with some justification - they need a buffer zone free of people who would launch rockets at them. Which seems fair enough, considering that the wars tend to be started by Israel's much larger Arab neighbours with the sworn purpose of annihilating Israel, driving all the jews into the sea and burning every existing copy of Yentl. After valiantly repelling the invaders, Israel grabs some of their land. It's not because they're "dirty thieving hooknoses", it's so that they can defend themselves with buffer zones and clean borders.
Seem fair. Except Arab organisational skills have been in sharp decline since the last time a bunch of them got together to build a pyramid. Anyone who's holidayed in an Arab country will know that if they organise land invasions like they organise a continental breakfast, the Arab armies could be repelled by a troop of Down's Syndrome kids armed with tennis rackets, who would have to do little but watch and ask for hugs as the Arabs wheeled their tanks in circles, taking accidental pot shots at each other and catching their beards in the tracks. Taking the barrel after shooting the fish it contains isn't right. Particularly when Israel's theft of Arab land is the main justification for Arab aggression.
Hizbollah are doing little to show Arab warmongers have improved. Yesterday they launched 245 rockets into Israel, wounding three goats and knocking over a dustbin. In fact they've been firing around 100 rockets a day into Israel for the past three weeks, with the express intention of killing ALL Israelis, and have killed exactly 19 civilians. Israel have been bombing Lebanon with the intention of NOT killing any civilians and have killed around 900 civilians. Personally, I'd rather have Hizbollah trying to kill me than Israel trying not to kill me.
As I write this, Israel's troops are flooding across the border into Lebanon. Hizbollah, who have spent the last few years preparing tunnels and ambushes, will fight back, possibly even chipping the paint on some of the Israeli tanks. Will peace come to Lebanon? Pahahahahaha!!!!!! But let's hope so, because I don't want to have to rub shoulders with the peaceniks again.
One of the unheard tragedies of the current Israel-Lebanon conflict - a horror that has gone unreported in the media and passed without comment from even the most hysterical of the human rights brigade - came to pass on Saturday. Never mind the pain and suffering inflicted upon innocent Lebanese civilians or the hardships endured by the tens of thousands of refugees. In order to voice my objections to Israel's annihilation of much of Lebanon, I was forced to rub shoulders with, and breathe in the musky odours of, the crowd of wet lipped pinkos, terrorist apologists, besandalled Marxists, shrill dumpy feminists, demented Islamists, anti American birkenstocktards (cheers Varmint), self loathing Jews, sanctimonious student hairballs and general stinking hippy twats. I shouldn't have to do that. I'm virtually a yuppie, for fuck's sake. It was horrendous. It was my Holocaust.
The marchers tended to be split into defined groups, each carrying a big banner proclaiming their specific cause. Some of these were clearly ironic - "The Islamic Human Rights Commission". Yeah! Think you should maybe wave that banner in a Muslim country, buddy... Some of them were the usual suspects who turn up at EVERY demonstration and try and turn it around to their cause... "War in Lebanon is a British Working Class Issue" inexplicably shouted the British Communist's placards, though none of the communists looked like they'd done much work for a while that didn't involve collecting dole cheques. Some were anarchists, closely followed by some non-anarchists who were waiting for anarchy to rein so that they could boot in the anarchists without getting arrested. And some of them had clearly got lost on a completely unrelated march a few months previously and were still walking around looking for their minivan - "Reinstate Sacked Gate Gourmet Workers" read one large banner, I shit you not.
All in all, it was hard to resist the urge to carry a sign saying 'Golf Sale' or 'Thai Buffet £3' and answer the chants of 'What do we want?' with shouts of 'Cheaper car insurance'. The only thing that stopped me (apart from the well documented humourlessness of your average Islamic fundamentalist, some of whom turned up too) was the fact that my voice would've rung out with embarrassing clarity over the chanting. I've heard more righteous passion and rage from agoraphobic wallflowers trying to get everyone to sing happy birthday.
Actually, it was fun, despite not living up to the newsreels of 60's protests I've seen (there was no free lentil stew and I didn't see any painted tits or beefy cops whaling on students with big sticks). The only things I had to worry about were accidentally walking behind a big banner saying something like "Gay Muslim Association Says Drop George Michael's Pants Not Bombs!" (knowing my luck it would appear on the front page of the Guardian with my grinning mug next to it), or walking too close to the more loopy elements of the march who were shouting 'WE ARE ALL HIZBULLAH!!!'. (Given that Israel has been bombing UN outposts, ambulances and minivans full of children on the suspicion of being Hizbollah, standing next to people with tea towels on their heads who are loudly proclaiming themselves to be members is positively suicidal - instead I edged away from them shouting "I'm not!" into the skies around me for the Mossad satellites and drones to see).
And you can see why I had to do it. Picture the scene. There's a country in the middle east that's a stable democracy, with a thriving economy and an informed and moderate population who are generally in favour of peace and freedom. An oasis of liberty and prosperity in a desert of dictatorships, Koran bashing fundamentalism and dire poverty. We'll call this country 'Lebanon'.
It's right next to another country which was created by the West 60 years ago on disputed land. Since then, it's made a name for itself by stealing more land and keeping the Palestinian residents of the land under brutal military oppression - a modern apartheid. Their land stolen, their economy stifled, their homes bulldozed, humiliated by roadblocks, traumatised by bombs and incursions, dependent on foreign aid, the Palestinians have eked out a miserable existence for the past 40 years. This country has even erected a big wall to keep the Palestinians out. We'll call this country 'Israel'.
Unfortunately, Lebanon is also home to a terrorist organisation (who are funded by fundamentalists in other countries) which, in sympathy with the Palestinians, has been firing crappy homemade rockets into Israel.
What do you think an appropriate course of action would be? Maybe give assistance to the security forces in that country so that they can rein in the terrorists? Maybe arrange for a beefed up UN force to go in and prevent the terrorist organisation from operating? Maybe stop shipments of blue touch paper and Swan Vespas from entering Lebanon so that the Hizbos can't light their rockets? Or is the best course of action to annihilate the infrastructure and economy of the country, killing hundreds of innocent people and greatly weakening its government and security forces so that they can't deal with the terrorists?
Unless you've been reading a paper that starts with 'Daily' and ends with 'Mail', you'll know that Israel chose the latter option. (If you do read the Daily Mail, you'll know that Princess Diana is still dead). An invasion hasn't been so badly thought out since Rumsfeld thought it would be a good idea to dismantle Iraq's security forces and replace them with fresh recruits, in one fell swoop ensuring that not only were there tens of thousands of aggrieved hard nuts ready to join the ranks of the insurgents, but also that the thin blue line between them and violent anarchy was a bunch of easily corruptible seventeen year olds with three week's training and shoes that didn't fit. Nice one, Rummy. Nice one, Olmert.
In their effort to crush the terrorist threat, nothing is being left standing in large swathes of Lebanon. Bridges are being bombed in case Hezbos try to take drugs under them. Roads are being bombed in case Hezbos try to cross them. Factories are being bombed in case anyone in Hizbollah gets a job driving a forklift. (A paper tissue factory was destroyed last week - if Hezbollah can't blow their noses, they're powerless!). Power stations are being bombed so that Hizbollah can't watch Pop Idol. Red Cross ambulances are being bombed in case they are treating anyone injured in all that bombing. UN outposts are being bombed, probably at the insistence of John Bolton. Leaflets are dropped on towns hours before the bombs rain down warning Lebanese to get their families together and leave, but not to leave in a truck, minivan or motorbike, as these will be considered Hizbollah and bombed. In fact, anyone trying to flee on anything other than a Segway is considered a potential terrorist.
Punishing the Lebanese people for the actions of terrorists among them is ridiculously unfair. For decades, Lebanon has been the field upon which other people's battles have been fought. The current battle is really between Israel/US (who give Israel close to $3bn a year in military aid) and Syria/Iran (who give Hizbollah some baked bean cans and gunpowder to make their rockets). But there is much evidence to show that the Lebanese people don't even like Syria and Iran. Last year Lebanese marched in their hundreds of thousands in protest at the Syrian assassination of former Leb leader Rafik Hariri and drove Syria's troops out of Lebanon. And the Lebanese have become used to a European level of personal freedom and fun so are hardly hankering for a grim Iranian theocracy.
Giving a collective punishment to the civilians who have no connection to and little sympathy for Hizbullah is also utterly counter productive. Every person who lost a brother or a home will have a vested interest in wreaking a terrible revenge on Israel. It will drive people into the arms of Hizbollah and give them legitimacy. All through the Arab world, outrage will show in support for Hizbollah. Worse, Israel has unthinkingly destroyed the main thing that stops terrorism - prosperity. The Lebanese economy has been bombed back to the stone age. Well, the early 80s anyway. The people who have lost everything have nothing to lose now. It is also terrible PR for Israel. There can't be many people outside of Tel Aviv or the US who haven't been appalled at the indiscriminate destruction, dead children, bloodied grandmothers, acres of collapsed tower blocks. These images will dog Israel for decades.
Israel is also going to steal more land from Lebanon; ostensibly as a buffer zone between Hizbollah and Israel. Israel has stolen Arab land after nearly all their wars, with some justification - they need a buffer zone free of people who would launch rockets at them. Which seems fair enough, considering that the wars tend to be started by Israel's much larger Arab neighbours with the sworn purpose of annihilating Israel, driving all the jews into the sea and burning every existing copy of Yentl. After valiantly repelling the invaders, Israel grabs some of their land. It's not because they're "dirty thieving hooknoses", it's so that they can defend themselves with buffer zones and clean borders.
Seem fair. Except Arab organisational skills have been in sharp decline since the last time a bunch of them got together to build a pyramid. Anyone who's holidayed in an Arab country will know that if they organise land invasions like they organise a continental breakfast, the Arab armies could be repelled by a troop of Down's Syndrome kids armed with tennis rackets, who would have to do little but watch and ask for hugs as the Arabs wheeled their tanks in circles, taking accidental pot shots at each other and catching their beards in the tracks. Taking the barrel after shooting the fish it contains isn't right. Particularly when Israel's theft of Arab land is the main justification for Arab aggression.
Hizbollah are doing little to show Arab warmongers have improved. Yesterday they launched 245 rockets into Israel, wounding three goats and knocking over a dustbin. In fact they've been firing around 100 rockets a day into Israel for the past three weeks, with the express intention of killing ALL Israelis, and have killed exactly 19 civilians. Israel have been bombing Lebanon with the intention of NOT killing any civilians and have killed around 900 civilians. Personally, I'd rather have Hizbollah trying to kill me than Israel trying not to kill me.
As I write this, Israel's troops are flooding across the border into Lebanon. Hizbollah, who have spent the last few years preparing tunnels and ambushes, will fight back, possibly even chipping the paint on some of the Israeli tanks. Will peace come to Lebanon? Pahahahahaha!!!!!! But let's hope so, because I don't want to have to rub shoulders with the peaceniks again.
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